While rewarding, caring for an elder requires compromise and sacrifice. You may face difficult personal, emotional, financial and social challenges, especially if you provide care over a long duration or for a loved one with serious health problems. These challenges may be especially burdensome if you are raising children, maintaining a career or both.

It is important to take care of your own needs, so you can be at your best for your elder and other family members.

Understand The Commitment

Care giving will affect your relationships, finances, career and personal activities.

Relationships
How They Are Affected	What You Can Do
You will have less time with your spouse, children, other family members and friends. The pressure of added responsibilities may affect your behavior toward your loved ones. Making decisions on your elder’s behalf can be difficult and stressful, especially when family members disagree on the best choices for care.	Remember disputes will occur and are normal. Handle problems openly and honestly. Do not ignore them. Consider asking a trusted friend, physician, clergy member, social worker or professional counselor for help if you cannot resolve important issues.
Finances
How They Are Affected	What You Can Do
The costs of medical treatment, personal care services, residential care and nursing aid can be overwhelming. Elder care expenses may delay progress toward your own savings, investments or other financial goals.	Plan ahead. Assess your elder’s financial situation and determine how to manage expenses. Learn which expenditures, such as prescription drug or transportation costs, are deductible for federal income tax purposes. Ask a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ practitioner or elder law attorney for advice on paying for caregiving without depleting income and savings.
Career
How It Is Affected	What You Can Do
You may have to use vacation time or paid time off to assist your elder. You may need to forego promotions, transfers or training opportunities. You may need to limit hours of work, take a leave of absence, change positions or companies or take early retirement.	Learn your employer’s caregiving policies and provisions. Demonstrate respect for your employer’s schedule by giving as much advance notice as possible when you need time off to care for your elder. Talk with your manager or supervisor about possible options for your situation.
Personal Activities
How They Are Affected	What You Can Do
You will have less leisure time. You may need to postpone or give up goals and hobbies important to you. Caregiving may infringe on social engagements and time with friends.	Think about which activities you are willing to eliminate if necessary. Avoid isolation. Make time for friends who provide needed support. Allow time for breaks from caregiving responsibilities.

Involve Others

Share caregiving duties among multiple family members and others as appropriate. You cannot meet all of your loved one’s needs on your own. Also, your elder should not view you as the only individual capable of providing adequate care. The caregiving experience will be more positive and less overwhelming when approached as a team effort.

Conduct regular family meetings and talk frequently with one another to share ideas, make plans and delegate tasks.
List necessary tasks and allow family members or friends to select the ones they are most comfortable with.
Involve long-distance family members in bill paying and record keeping activities.
Talk with friends and neighbors who have been through similar situations.
Consider professional help if you cannot turn to family members or friends. The following individuals, organizations and agencies understand and provide services for caregivers and elders.

Your family physician.
Your company’s employee assistance program or benefits specialists.
Caregiver support groups.
Community resources, such as social service agencies.
Clergy members, social workers, psychologists and nurses trained to provide counseling.
Local religious and private organizations.
Local government agencies.

Stay Organized

Distribute a list of emergency numbers, family contact numbers and other important information.
Keep family members informed of your elder’s changing needs, schedule, and condition, with weekly or bi-weekly phone calls or e-mail messages.
Take detailed notes of conversations with physicians, attorneys, insurance providers, service agencies, government offices or community organizations. Record the name of the individual, date of the conversation, contact information and content of the discussion.
Maintain files of your loved one’s medical, financial, legal and insurance information.

Take Care Of Yourself

The responsibility, emotion and stress of caregiving can put you at risk of exhaustion and illness. Feelings of loneliness and frustration are normal. Some days will be better than others and you should not be concerned by temporary feelings of sadness or fatigue.

However, if you experience more extreme symptoms — such as overwhelming sadness, self-criticism, apathy or hopelessness — you may be suffering from depression. If these symptoms persist, schedule an appointment with your physician.

To maintain energy and emotional strength:

Exercise regularly.
Maintain a healthy diet.
Sleep seven to nine hours every night.
Ask for help so you can take longer breaks periodically.
Take one day at a time and try not to worry about the future.
Maintain your sense of humor and focus on the positive aspects of your situation.

The USAA Educational Foundation publication, Choosing A Healthy Lifestyle, offers more information.

Stay Positive

There is no question that caregiving is hard work, but it brings many rewards. When providing care becomes difficult, you can reflect on the significance of what you are doing for your elder. Your efforts can enrich your relationships with your loved one and other family members, drawing you closer than you have ever been.

Updated Thursday, April 02, 2009

HELPFUL FORMS & LISTS

Important Information

Assessing Capabilities Checklist