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Although most individuals expect their parents
to die before them, few are really prepared for the
loss. Unfortunately, others may criticize the adult
who grieves the loss of a parent and feel they
should progress on with their lives. The rationalization,
especially if the parent is elderly, is usually
that the individual lived a long, full life or was
released from pain and suffering. Such rationalization
does not make grief any easier to bear.
Losing a parent means losing your history —
losing someone who has known you longer than
anyone else. The parent-child relationship is a
bond you cannot replace. It also forms the basis
for all your other relationships. A parent’s death
is a not-so-subtle reminder of your own mortality.
Most adults are in midlife when they lose their
parents. The death reminds them of changes in
their own lives and health problems due to age.
Family relationships are complex and unpredictable.
The death of a parent often serves to bring
unresolved issues among family members to a
crisis, resulting in either continued estrangement
or reaffirmed solidarity as a family. Coping with
these issues, along with the normal processes of
grief, puts the survivors under stress.
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